29 Jan Only Human
Like other providers here at Well Sonoma, I also pride myself on calm and presence of being. In fact, I’m rather openly proud of not letting that pendulum swing to the dark side of loss of control through anger—but I’m only human.
My loss of control came about six weeks ago, and it was directed at the front desk personnel of Massage Envy. After a long game of phone tag and an unsuccessful push to cancel my membership with this chain to no avail, I finally had someone on the line who could help me.
And let’s just say that I lost it. I yelled at them and hung up. I felt all the years of oppression under the thumb of the soulless corporate weight blast out of me in one overreaction…I’m not proud of it, but it happened.
Directly after my outburst, I came to my senses, called back, and apologized. Interestingly—and, in retrospect, rather selfishly—this act of penance did not make me feel any better. I say “selfishly,” because, while the incident was for all intents and purposes concluded, I wallowed in my own self-reproach, tormenting myself and my poor wife. I can’t decide what the bigger transgression was: the act or the aftermath.
I’m glad that incident is in the past—but the reason it stuck with me was that it’s a remnant of an old way of conducting myself. I’ve done a lot of work around that, and I’m not thrilled to see it return now and then.
But, like the rest of us, I can only move forward with my head held high and remember that I called back to apologize—something I might not have done in the past. I can remind myself that I’m only human and from time to time, I get upset. (Maybe the real problem is the corporatocracy we’re shackled to…I’ll save that for another post!)